Tonight I Wanna Cry
by Mandabug100
Summary: Basically the Keith Urban Song with a little EO thrown in there! One shot Songfic! COMPLETE


**Tonight I Wanna Cry**

**Summary: Basically Follows the Keith Urbansong, with a little EO thrown in! ( What else would you expect from me!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song. Dick Wolfe is the mastermind behind Elliot and Olivia, and Keith Urban is the master mind begind the song, "Tonight I Wanna Cry", I'm just borrowing them for your enjoyment!**

**A/N: I LOVE Keith Urba, and always think of Elliot when I hear this song, so I had to write it down! I'm still workng on "Fear", you should read it if you haven't! (Althoiugh you'll first have to read the other two stories in the saga!)**

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_Alone in this house again tonight  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine  
Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away_

Elliot sat in his dark abondoned house, alone again.

He sat like this a lot, with the television onmute, and a bottle in his hands.

He would stare at the pictuers of his family that still adorned the walls for hours, and remember what it used to be like; before she walked out on him.

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry._

He hated when his emotions came out. He was a cop, and cops didn't cry. Sure they hit things, and shoved people, they yelled and screamed, but they never cried.

At one point in his life, he thought that as long as he kept his control he would be considered strong. His father taught him that. Crying meant he was a sissy, he never wanted to be that again.

But tonight, he was too drunk to care. He was too hurt to care. He was too empty to care. Tonight, he was alone, no one was there to see him, so tonight, Elliot Stabler cried.

Cried for all he lost, cried for all his missed, cried for his children who were with their mother, cried for his failed marriage, and cried for the failure he felt inside.

_Would it help if i turned a sad song on  
"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way_

He wanted to turn on some music, let somme noise in other than his sobs, but the thought of some sad song coming over the speakers terrified him.

The last thing he needed was to hear something depressing, especially now that he was alone.

He thought about going through some old things of his. Maybe find the letters he and Kathy had exchnaged while he was in active duty, but the thought of reading her words of love and devotion now would only make him hurt worse.

As he satthere on the couch with the dim light from the muted TV bathing him, and the empty wine bottle still in his hands, he realized he was never going to get better by sitting like this.

He knew that things had to hit rock bottom before they would get better, but that didn't make the hurt go away.

He knew he had to stop shutting himself away like this, and shutting everyone else out if he ever wanted to get over her, but he wasn't sure how to do it.

_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry._

Olivia stood silently at the window of the dark house. She would have knocked, but it was dark. It was when she was walking away that she noticed the dim light coming from the living room.

When she peered in, she was shocked at what she saw. Her partner, and best friend was sitting on the couch, an empty bottle in his hand, sobbing.

He never showed his feeling to anyone, especially her. He couldn't bare the thought of her seeing him weak like that. She didn't know it, but she was his rock, and he could never let her see him like this.

To her though, his weakness made him human.. It was good for him to cry, and let out the pain. He needed to realease it somehow, other than taking it all out on her. At least now she knew he acted like that because of the hurt and anger because of what Kathy had done, and not something she had done.

She went back to the door, and silently pushed it open. She tiptoed into the frame of the living room, and just watched him, wanting to hold him, afraid to make her prescence known.

_oOOoh_

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with this pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry._

As the tears welled up in her own eyes, she just watched asElliot sunk deeper and deeper into the pain of his past.Olivia had tried to remain unnoticed. She didn't want to leave him like this, but didn't know what she could say. She knew he would hate her seeing him like this.

As she went to trun to leave the floor gave her away. The quietest squeek from the wood came from beneath her feet. Olivia held her breath, praying he wouldn't hear, but her prayers weren't answered.

Elliot's head snapped up, and his eyes darted on to her.

"O, Olivai?" He asked, shocked that he hadn't heard her come in, and terrified that his drunken eyes were playing tricks on him, and in a moment she would disappear all together.

"I, I'm sorry. The door was open. I'll go." She stammered, moving to leave.

Elliot's first isntanct was to tell her to go. To push her away again, but his pride had been shattered by the alcohol. "No, please don't leave me." He almost begged. "I can't stand someone else walking out one me. Not tonight, not again."

Olivia's heart broke for him. She make her way to the couch, and sat next to the man that she had always loved. Even now, in his drunken, broken state, he seemed as strong to her as ever.

"I could never leave you Elliot." She assured him, taking his hand in hers.

"You did." He smiple stated, staring at the ground.

Olivia's entire being filled with regret and shame. She had left him. Left him when she knew he needed her the most. But she had to, for her own sanity. Had she been selfish? Did it really matter right now?

"But I came back." She finally answered. "I couldn't stay away."

"I can't do this anymore Olivia. It's too hard. It hurts to much." Elliot continued.

"You can do this Elliot. I know it's hard now, but it'll get better. You're strong enough for this." Olivia tried to comfort him.

"I'm not strong. I'm sitting in my dark empty house, drunk, and sobbing. What kind of a man does that make me?" He asked, looking into her eyes for the first time that evening.

"Elliot Stabler, you are one of the strongest men I know. You sacrifice everything for every one else. Crying doesn't make you weak. Hurting doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. You need to let out your pain somehow, and if this is it, this is it. I could never think you were weak." She assured him, placing one hand on his moistcheek.

"I don't know what I would do with out you." He choacked.

"You'd be fine." Olivia smiled.

"No, I don't think I would." He said, placing his bottle on the floor, and removing her hand from his cheek so he could hold it. "You've been amazing, and I've been a jerk. I pushed you away, and I'm so sorry." He apologized for the first time in over a year.

Hiswords made the tears in Olivia's eyes fall slowly. She looked away to try to stop them. She was here to be strong for him tonight, she didn't need him thinking he needed to help her.

Elliot simply turned her face back to him. "Don't turn away." He begged. "You care more about me than, well than most people, and I haven't taken your feelings into account. And even worse, I've hurt you. I never wanted to do that." He continued. "I pushed you away. I made you leave."

"Dammit Elliot, how long are you gonna make me regret that! I made a mistake, but I came back!" She snapped. She hadn't ment to, but it was a sore spot for her.

"I'm sorry, I just…" He began. "You love me, don't you?" He asked. The alcohol making him bold.

Olivia stared in shock. "What? What did you say?" She asked under her breath.

"I know you do. That's why I pushed you away. I couldn't face that, and face losing you too. That's why I did it. That's why I pushed you away." He admitted.

"Elliot I…" Olivia began, trying to think of something, anything to say. She had to deny it, had to protect her own heart.

"Shhh. "Elliot smmply said. He put a finger up to her mouth. "Don't. Don't deny it, not tonight." He begged. "I love you too Oliva. I do. I just, I can't. Not now. It's too hard. I can't lose you again. I won't. My heart. It's shattered, and I can't love anyone until the pieces are back." He finally said.

Olivia couldn't find her voice. Had he just said what she thought he had? Had Elliot Stabler just told her that he loved her?

"Just wait for me Liv. What until the pieces are back. What until I'm strong enough. Wait until I can give you all you need, all you deserve, I'll be back to normal soon. Just, please don't leave again. I love you too much to nothave you in my life." He pleaded.

"I, I'm right here Elliot. I'm not going anywhere." She finally managed to say in a hoarse whisper. "I promise. " She said and then took a deep breath.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her close.Olivia held him as he cried. As he let his pain run from his eyes in salty tears, and as his heart slowly mended itself.

"I'll wait as long as you need El." She whispered into his ear. "I love you." She finally said. "And when you're ready, I'll be waiting right here, where I was always ment to be, right by your side."

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with this pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry._

_mmhmm mm_

**_The End_**

**Hope you liked it, remember to review! And if you haven't read the rest of my stories, you should take a look at them , I think you'll like them!**


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